In This Case, No Means Yes
by leradny
Summary: Paine's family takes some getting used to.  [Circles in the Dirt]


**Note:** I wrote this chapter with the intention of continuing Circles in the Dirt, but the focus shifted all of a sudden from Yuna to Paine. Go figure! Call this an extremely entertaining digression.

If you want some incredibly detailed and probably completely unrelated backstory, I suggest you read Circles in the Dirt, but if you just want a good read then go ahead.

**-  
In This Case, No Means Yes**

**-  
**Yuna stretched her arms above her head feeling tired and self-conscious. She was currently at home, avoiding the cabinet with the photo albums and unsure of what she should do next. All of her homework was done.

"Yunie!" Rikku jumped on her.

"Y-yes?"

"There's a half-eaten candy bar on the table. If it's yours, I won't eat it."

"I think it's Uncle's," Yuna said slowly.

"Oh, well, that's okay then." Rikku dashed into the kitchen and there was the sound of a noisily unwrapped candy bar being eaten. Then the phone rang.

"I've got it!" Yuna called unnecessarily. She picked it up and said politely, "Hello?"

"Yuna!" It was Selphie. "Hey, you got Rikku there?"

"Yes--Rikku!"

Her cousin, with half half-eaten candy bar in hand, ran back, grabbed for the phone and swallowed dramatically. "_Ulp._ Hey, Selphie!" She wandered upstairs to her bedroom as Yuna curled back up on the couch.

_What do people __**do**__ in their spare time?_ she wondered morosely. She knew what Rikku's hobbies were, but she didn't like such exciting things. And while Paine was closemouthed about her hobbies, she had once let it slip that she helped her mother to make costumes for her father and the theatre they worked for. While Yuna thought that was interesting, she didn't particularly like or need to sew other than the occasional mending here and there.

Yuna wondered what kind of hobbies Leon Loire had--or if he was just as uninteresting as her.

And, Yuna decided, with a bit of a sinking feeling, that he probably was.

_That_ made her sad.

-  
"Yunie!" Rikku ambushed her again, taking the steps in twos and threes. "Selphie said that Kairi said that Quistis's friend's dog just had _puppies!_ And I _want_ one, Yunie. I mean _desperately_ want one! I mean--!"

"All right, I know! But why are you telling _me_ about it?"

"Dad won't say yes if it's _me_ asking him," Rikku said pointedly.

"...Well..."

"_Yunie!_"

"Okay! Okay, I'll ask him." Yuna brushed her hair behind one ear and wondered about what she would say.

-  
Yuna knocked timidly at Cid's door. "Uncle?"

"It's open, Yunie!"

The smell of cigarette smoke assaulted her immediately as she entered the room. Her uncle's blond hair and blue shirt were faintly visible in the slightly hazy air. Cid knew smoke bothered Yuna, but he couldn't very well quit on a dime--so he tended to restrict smoking to his room. Right now he shuffled some blueprints around into a somewhat neat stack on his desk and turned towards her.

"What do you need?"

"Um..." Asking for things made Yuna extremely uncomfortable--_especially_ if she didn't particularly want them herself. "The librarian Ms. Trepe has a friend whose dog just had puppies. And... I..."

"Do you want a puppy?" Cid asked, seeming surprised.

"...Yes."

He looked at her intently, causing Yuna's insides to squirm. Then he said suddenly, "Actually, I think a puppy would be good for you." That surprised Yuna, but she didn't question it as Cid told her, "You can go to your librarian's friend's house on Saturday, as long as you answer _one question._"

"...Yes, Uncle?"

"You're not doing this just because Rikku asked you, right?"

"...No, Uncle."

"Hmph." He smiled fondly at her and turned back to his desk. "I know you can't lie to save your life, so I'm just going to give that to you."

"Okay..."

-  
They had decided to go to Paine's house on Monday, but as Paine had declared her house a disaster zone for the next three days they shifted it to Thursday instead. As Yuna and Rikku trailed behind her, Paine flung open the door to her house with as little ceremony as drinking her morning tea.

"Mom? Dad? I'm here with Yuna and Rikku."

Paine's redheaded mother Sally came out of a room with pins in her mouth, mumbling, "Sorry about the light, girls." She took them out and her voice was instantly clearer, though no less softer than before. "Normally we just wait for Jack to come home--he can change them without getting on a chair."

Yuna had often wondered about the cheerful state of disarray Paine's house always seemed to be in. But Rikku bounced around happily, looking at things that sparked her interest and even going so far as to touch things, like paper-weights.

"Paine, I _love_ your house!" Rikku exclaimed. "It never stays the same!"

"Well," Paine said modestly, seeming much more at ease in her house than she did at school. Then she scowled. "_Don't_ touch that sewing machine!"

A pair of incredibly long, black and gray pinstriped pants was resting on top, folded neatly. Rikku refrained from touching it, but just barely. Paine's father was notorious for being a show stopper with his flamboyant stage presence, height, and distinctive pinstriped suits. Some people said he forced it, but they were in the minority. He was also notoriously unhandy--not because he was bad at fixing things, but because he always tended to place work and family over things as common as household chores.

In short, Jack Skellington procrastinated.

And now that Yuna thought about it, Paine's parents made no sense. The door, which Paine had closed not five minutes before, flew open again suddenly.

"Sweethearts? I'm sorry I'm late!" Jack loomed quite strikingly through the doorway, excessively pale skin and bald head creating an eerie silhouette. That reminded Yuna of Paine, a little.

Sally looked annoyed and showed a bit more of Paine. "Jack, if you keep doing that to the door you'll knock it off its hinges. Can you _fix_ hinges?"

Jack thought, looking theatrical as he did. "I can _try,_" he offered grandly. Then he caught sight of Yuna and Rikku. "Oh! Yuna, Rikku! I'm so glad to see you again--would you like some tea?"

"Close the door, Jack," Sally reminded him. He closed it carefully.

"Tea would be lovely," Yuna said faintly.

"Don't you have anything other than _tea?_" Rikku demanded, hands on hips.

"I'm an Englishman, Rikku, I don't."

Paine rolled her eyes, as did Sally. Jack had long since lost his accent--or perhaps he was simply using an American one to keep them off their guard. Then his eyes drifted to the sewing machine. "_Lovely_ wife! Have you managed to fix my pants?"

Sally shook her head and motioned for them all to go into the kitchen. "As soon as I'm done with the girls, I'll fix them."

"Right!" Jack never slipped into it, but he did occasionally use it.

-  
Paine settled into her seat as her parents left for various other regions of the house. _She_ drank her tea _properly_--Rikku slurped and Yuna felt uncomfortably like she was sipping too slowly.

In response to Paine's slight stare, Yuna crumpled. "It's hot," she said weakly. "I'm being careful."

Paine shrugged and changed the topic. "My dad's birthday is next week." It was sudden, but Yuna was used to Paine's no-nonsense way of conversating. "I've been thinking about getting him a present."

"Did he give you a hint?" Rikku probed. "Ow!"

"Don't slurp or you'll burn yourself," Paine said curtly, and a bit too late. Then she answered the question. "Anyway, he said 'Surprise me.' At first I thought about getting him nothing, which would surprise him, but I thought that would be mean." She'd thought right. "And stupid. So I'm asking you two for advice."

"Oh, you can get him a puppy!" Rikku triumphed. "This is perfect! Yunie and me are going to get a puppy from Quistis' friend!"

"Quistis' _friend?_" Paine asked, surprised. That was strange, but before Yuna could ask Rikku cut her off.

"Yeah, yeah! Friend!" Rikku put her cup down noisily. "_Come with us on Saturday!_"

"Well..." Paine thought about it. "Well, all right. It's as good a plan as any."

-  
The address to Quistis' friend's house was not much more than ten minutes away, but it stood out like a sore thumb, even among the other suburban houses. As the humungous gate opened, a young woman in a short skirt and long scarf came to greet them. "Hey, you three! I'm Yuffie! Are you here to see my cousin about the puppies?"

Rikku stared at her intensely for a few seconds, taking in the fishnets, short shorts, yellow scarf, orange gauntlets, and green tube top with the same focus she gave only to a few certain things. Yuffie tilted her head slightly as Yuna fidgeted. The sprawling, immaculate lawn was making her nervous.

Finally Rikku spoke. "I_ really_ like your scarf."

"Okay then!" Yuffie was unphased and motioned for them to all follow her. "Just follow me now. You won't get lost, I promise."

Yuna still felt somewhat delirious as the creamy white house tilted into sight. It was definitely the biggest thing she'd ever seen--almost mansion standard. But thankfully, Rinoa Caraway was tucked into a surprisingly comfortable corner of the large lawn along with six dogs enclosed in a pen, one of them clearly the mother. Rinoa clearly shared a strong resemblance to her cousin, both of them having the same petite build and black hair. That sent a slight twinge of envy through Yuna. Rinoa Caraway wouldn't have to explain every time

"Thanks, Yuffie," Rinoa was saying. "I didn't want to leave Angelo alone."

"Neat--see you, coz!"

As Yuffie left, Paine smiled wryly. "_Angelo?_"

"I can't stop calling her that," Rinoa admitted, smiling.

"Oh. My. _Gosh!_" Rikku stepped over the low wall of the pen and scooped up a puppy. "These things are so _cute!_"

"Rikku, be _polite!_" Paine snapped harshly. Yuna merely stood there, mortified.

"It's all right! It's all right." Rinoa tossed her head to get her bangs out of her face, seeming unalarmed. "They like people. I think you three are the only ones here." She reached over the wall and rubbed her hands into her collie's thick ruff very fondly, while Rikku cuddled the similarly brown and white pup with an obvious expression of glee on her face.

"_Look!_ He likes me!"

Rinoa shot a glance at the empty gate. "Well, I _really_ hope you three aren't the only ones who'll come. I mean, I can _keep_ all of them--there's enough room here--but I have things to do that require a _lot_ of my attention."

"Like life?" Paine asked. She opened the pen door smoothly and knelt in the opening, successfully blocking it with her black-clad frame.

"Yes, like life," Rinoa agreed, with a slight giggle.

Then Paine did something unusual by reaching out to a tiny shape nestled close to Angelo. "How's this one?" she inquired, as gently as Yuna had ever heard her. "The runt?"

"Mmhm."

"Aww," Rikku said. She waded out of the pen and dumped her favorite into Yuna's hands. "Here, Yunie, you look like you need cheering up."

"Fiver," Paine tested. "No, that's stupid. Kit. Lemony. Jacques..."

"You're seriously going to name him something like _that?_" Rikku demanded.

"Those are names my dad would like. Hm, Zero. _No!_"

Once in Yuna's hands the puppy would not stop wriggling. She wondered how Rikku managed to look so calm--it was like energy solidified into a small, squeaking mass of fur and flesh. Then Rinoa sighed suddenly in relief as a large black motorcycle with two people on it pulled in through the gate and Yuffie's distant form barrelled over to greet them. "Oh, good! Even if just three get taken, that would be fine."

"Is this one a boy or girl?" Paine asked.

Rinoa squinted. "A boy, I think."

"Oh, all right." She scratched him between the ears in a well-practiced gesture. "I think I'll let my dad name him, then."

"Who are these, Yuffie?" Rinoa asked. Yuffie seemed to know them and was bouncing around excitedly. Cloud looked bored and Tifa seemed faintly amused at the shorter girl's antics.

"Cloud Strife and Tifa Lockhart, my two best friends _ever!_"

-  
Paine pushed open the door cautiously. "Dad?" she tried. When nobody answered immediately, she motioned for Yuna and Rikku to come in. "Okay; give me the puppy."

Yuna carefully handed her friend the unnamed puppy as Rikku threw a blue towel over him.

"_What?_" Paine asked.

"Element of surprise!" Rikku answered, sounding _completely_ justified.

"Someone there?" Jack entered the room before Paine could retort. "Oh, Paine!"

The puppy wriggled under the towel and Paine clutched at him. "Um!"

"Hello!" The actor's large, observant eyes drifted to the cloth. "What's this?"

Paine whipped the towel off and threw it at Rikku. "Oh, _bother_ surprising him! Here, Dad, it's your present!"

The puppy squealed when the light hit his eyes so suddenly, but the kicking remained at a minimum. Yuna was thankful Rikku didn't make a fuss either as Jack tilted his head curiously. "A dog?"

"Yes."

He reached out his insanely long fingers capped in a pinstriped sleeve. "Hmm."

Paine was rapidly getting nervous. She bounced the puppy slightly, motioning for her father to take it. One hand was enough for Jack, but he took the puppy in both hands anyway and gave him an awkward caress. "He's cute! Where'd you get him?"

"Friend of the librarian," Paine answered.

"Ah. Name?" Jack asked just as succinctly, scratching the puppy between the ears in a practiced motion.

"He's got no name."

"Right!" The puppy barked as Jack turned him around and looked him square in the eye, thinking theatrically, as he always did. Yuna wondered if he ever stopped_ acting._ "I think I'll call you Scraps." He placed the newly christened dog on the table in a grand gesture. "In memory of Zero, who liked to eat scraps."

Yuna fought to keep the vicious image out of her head as Sally came in. "Jack? What are you talking about?"

"Paine surprised me!" Jack laughed. "And here I was thinking she'd give me nothing like you said. But that's what I would have done."

"Oh!" Sally saw Scraps and approached him with a maternal smile. "What's his name?"

-  
"Scraps!" Rikku yelled the next week, as she barreled through the door. "Where are you, buddy!"

No answer. Paine cleared her throat slightly. "Dog!" At Paine's reticent call, Scraps bumbled in.

"That's so mean," Rikku pouted as she scooped him up.

"Hello, girls!" Jack said. "Dog," he greeted Scraps cordially with a scratch on the head.

"What's the point of naming him if you won't even call him by it?" Rikku demanded. Scraps wriggled, sensing her indignation. Jack waltzed away, pretending not to hear her, while Paine looked annoyed at either her father or Rikku--or both.

"It's a _formality,_" she explained.

"Hmph!" Rikku held Scraps closer and perhaps a little too tightly. "Scraps, you love me, right? Well, don't worry because I love _you!_"


End file.
